i try to breathe:

Written By:

Alexis Herrera

I don't think I will ever fully remember how to breathe.

There's numbness in my chest that encapsulates my body.

Veined and angry hands are wrapped around my heart—

they squeeze just enough to let the blood pump through.

But I am uncomfortable now,

as I feel my heart struggle to beat.

There is a dark, eternal ocean in my stomach.

No island. No boat. No sign of life.

Just a salty emptiness that rises

until my throat starts burning.

There is fog in my head that blinds my vision

and a static that deafens my hearing.

There is an echo of hallowed pain that I cannot place,

and my spine shivers with unprepared uneasiness.

I am lost in an endless white room—

no walls, no doors, no windows,

no corners, no turns.

my ears perk, listening for danger—

but the static drowns out all sound.

my eyes search for a sign of escape—

but the fog leaves behind false shadows.

my mouth opens to scream for help—

but the salt water spills from my lips.

my gut tries to tell me to run—

but the tide washes away all sense.

my heart has broken—

but the unwitting hands force together two fragments

pretending it is whole.

my body tries to exist—

but the numbness enshrouds it with doubt.

i try to breathe

but i can't quite remember how.